A frank letter to my younger self, written at the time of year when we are reminded of the past we leave behind and the ideal future we are seeking.
Dear 10 year old ******,
The next 5 years will be the best of your life so far. They are filled with so many smiles and so much laughter. You are going to meet your best friends, your worst enemies and leave some other people behind.
I know you are praying that at some point in the next 5 years that you will become skinny, beautiful and a sophisticated young woman. I do not wish to upset you but the truth is you do not go through a butterfly like transformation. Boobs happen, as do spots, your ears are now in proportion to your face, as is your forehead. You have lost weight, and grown to 5’6 which probably seems enormous to you, but no, you do not have a perfect body. Rather shockingly, you are an average teenage girl. So do not fret my dear, those sadistic hormones do have their perks.
Also all the boys you will crush on aren’t worth your time, please remember that when you are crying over them. Some of them will be more than crushes, and they will hurt you but they aren’t worth it either. No you do not get a boyfriend. I will not lie to you about that. But you do have your first kiss, and it is not vomit worthy.
Also you get some real friends, not just stuck up cows! They are hilarious, supportive and a tad annoying at times, but you put up with them because you are in the same boat.
You are the proverbial Bridget Jones of your friendship group, the one who runs into doors when chasing boys and writes a diary – or in your case a blog – whilst interacting with a member of the opposite sex who you find attractive. You don’t do sophistication and unfortunately go through a phase of swearing like it is going out of fashion. Like Miss Jones, you will end up with the right people in the end, but you are going to fall out of friendships with many. I warn you that wearing a jumper to a disco is not a good idea.
Yes dear one, I know what you are thinking and yes your period does arrive, and it is hell. You will wail and eat sugar filled foods. That is all I have to say about that.
As you grow you will begin to behave badly and participate in many teen occupations such as sitting on your computer all day, trying alcoholic substances that make you feel like throwing up, spend too much time on your phone, watch a lot of YouTube videos and just eat frozen yogurt for lunch.
At some points you are going to realize you have anxiety and are also going to go through times of depression. It is going to be hard, but you just have to stick to life like a barnacle and pray it takes you in the right direction.
Darling you are going to have to let go of the things that used to hurt you, and the toxic people in your life. It will feel like falling for a time, but then you find your footing.
In the next 5 years you are going to change from a girl into a young woman and survive it. Give yourself some credit for that ahead of time. Some psychologist on some tv show once said that you should picture insulting your younger self the way you insult yourself, in order to realize that being negative about yourself isn’t OK. And yeah, honestly I can’t insult you. Though I would never say that about myself now, you are beautiful and clever and a better person than you give yourself credit for. In the next 5 years you will; fall in love once, get perfect marks on a test once, be kissed once and start a blog once. But you will learn from your mistakes more than once, and you will be a better person because of your mistakes more than once.
Also you go to a party and get your face licked once. But that is a story for another time.