I can barely hear you above the sound of my screaming heart,
And the sound of rain,
The sound of pain,
That’s why it feels so hard to remember why I should hate you.
I relax as your jacket brushes against my frozen hand,
As this body remembers what it used to feel like to need you around,
And in that moment I feel myself falling in love with you,
But I catch myself as I remember the reason I would regret loving you.
I don’t care about the soaked hair hanging around my neck,
Nor the icy lashes raining down from heaven above,
All I can understand is the words being said,
And the ones that we are leaving unsaid to preserve the idea that we can forget.
I can’t explain everything I regret because that would make me seem so weak,
A fickle little girl unable to account for the things and people she breaks along the way,
But I try so hard to make you see that I care,
That I care for you and not for lies I chose to believe.
I don’t want you to walk away when there is so much left to say,
You have taken me in as I opened up and I’ve lost all I was to glimpse of this much,
I can only pray you are the person I see before me not the one you present to the world,
Because that person makes my heart skip a beat and my mind begin to lose control.
I spent the last week thinking up some new ideas and watching some documentaries and generally cultivating the side of me that writes the best posts. So today I decided that it was time to sit down, plug in my headphones and just write.
In the last month I haven’t really been able to write honest stuff about my life because it involved other people, and I’m not the type to shame people on the internet, especially considering that what I would have said 2 weeks ago is completely different to what I am saying today.