Today was not a good day. I had my first panic attack in months and it felt awful. I was walking home from school, trying to get in touch with someone. Anyone.
I can’t explain how it feels to have panic attack, but I am going to try. It feels like my chest is welling up and I cant breathe. My legs and arms begin to shake from the amount of adrenaline being pumped into me. And I don’t know what to do.
As I walked home I tried to call people but no one was around. Everyone was at a club or I just couldn’t reach them. And I didn’t know what to do. I was holding in the tears and I just wanted to cry in someones arms. I just wanted to be held and told it was going to be OK. And when I got home the decorator was still in. He is a nice guy, just come to paint a few walls. And for some reason just talking to him helped. He was not a conversationalist, but he cared. He seemed interested and he made me realize that I was worth something.
If I’m honest I haven’t really sorted out the problems going on in my life. I just left them until they became a noxious bubble that had to be popped. And I don’t know if everything is going to be OK. I just pray I can get through this half term. Then I can get some space from this atmosphere of bitching and fakery.