I don’t remember our conversation on the phone, and I don’t remember the weeks between his arrest and trial.
I just remember the pain.
The unutterable fact; the pain.
I barely ate. I barely slept. I avoided school and any type of work.
I would just sit in my room thinking about life and the situation I was now in.
I had 2 choices. I could either let Jack go down, whilst playing the victim or I could defend our feelings for one another, until the end. If I played the victim, I could go on living my life. I wouldn’t get hassle at school, and my record would be clean as whistle. But I would not lie in court. I wouldn’t play the helpless little girl. So 3 days before the trial was due to start I prepared myself. I built myself up.
I went shopping and bought some smart skirts and tops to wear to court. My heart wasn’t really in it but my mum helped me get through it. She had always disapproved of our relationships, but she knew it was completely consensual. She would always stand by me. I also prepared what I was going to say. I was due to be put on the witness stand. And I knew that my statement could change the outcome of the case.
The day before the trial started I went to visit him in prison. ‘You know its all my fault,’ I said, as we were discussing everything, through the . ‘You know that’s not true. It’s love’s fault. It’s life’s fault. It’s fate’s fault. You couldn’t have stopped yourself loving me and I couldn’t stop myself loving you. Remember that.’ Jack was so brave and strong and noble. I felt like crying. ‘I’m going to fight for us you know. I’m going to do everything I can to save you and everyone out there like us.’ I said.
The next morning I woke up at 7am sharp and got ready. I barely ate anything and I was silent the whole way there.
A lot was riding on this.
I had to save us.
Because without each other we weren’t really human.
I was fighting for our humanity.
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